The Yaoi God
by Geirdriful and Whitlinger
Summary: The story of God, cheese, yaoi and a few unlucky nations. A half-crack oneshot for a certain person's birthday. Enjoy!


**(2/28) A little half-cracked oneshot for Geirdriful, my awesome friend. Happy birthday, you miser. :)**

**She hates yaoi, "with a passion." Just a note.**

**...x...x...x...x...**

Okay. Let's start this off by talking about our dear friend up there, known simply as "God."

God created the world.

God created humans and animals.

God forbid a certain two people from eating apples because he didn't want them to wear clothes, probably because he secretly likes porn. Or maybe he just likes apples.

God likes cheese.

Just kidding.

But still.

And those are some basic facts about God. So, now let's move on to a little story. One day, God was bored. He had to find something interesting to do, and watching men and women falling in love day after day was getting tiresome. He needed some variety, you know?

When a genius guy named Himaruya created the nations, God came up with a brilliant idea. "Yaoi," he called it. And then God made the terrible mistake of planting the idea of "yaoi" in a couple of fangirls' minds.

Let me tell you, the results were not pretty. These fangirls got so excited, they spread the word of yaoi everywhere in the Hetalia fandom. All of a sudden, the originally bromance pairing USUK became, ah, let us say...not bromance. France and England, labeled the ultimate frenemies, became something else. And, being fangirls, the fangirls began taking sides. Their fight over FRUKUS was even worse than the whole Sparkle vs Chihuahua thing going on in another fandom.

So, yaoi became a normal everyday scene in the fandom. However, a second party found out about this "yaoi." And what was their reaction?

**...xOx...**

"Germany."

"Germany."

"Germany!"

"What is it, Italy?" Germany said impatiently. "I'm trying to work here."

"B-But look..."

Sighing, the German nation stood from his desk, which was cluttered with so many papers they buried his computer, and approached his companion. Italy was sitting on the other side of the room, staring wide-eyed at his laptop screen.

"W-What is t-that?" Italy half-whispered hoarsely, clearly frightened.

Germany leaned in closer and studied the typed words on the screen. "What in the world is 'GerIta?'" His eyes scanned the definition of the term:

_URBAN DICTIONARY: A yaoi pairing in Hetalia fandom. Germany and North Italy._

_It is heavily hinted (but not confirmed) that Germany is in fact North Italy's long-lost childhood love, Holy Roman Empire._

_Also, Germany puts up with Italy, lets him sleep in Germany's bed with him NAKED..._

Germany snapped the computer shut.

After a moment, after calming his nerves, he said, "Please, Italy, do not read such unhealthy things. They corrupt the mind."

"B-But it said..."

"The Holy Roman Empire and I are very different people." Germany frowned. It was probably another dirty trick of Prussia's.

"Um...Germany?" came Italy's voice again.  
Germany checked the screen again, and this time found a picture.

A very interesting picture.

A disturbing picture.

A picture of...

"SCHEISSE WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? WHY ARE WE MAKING OUT?"

**...xOx...**

"Artie."

"Arttiiee."

"England!"

"What do you want, America?" England grumbled, up to his neck in work and experiencing a somewhat severe migraine. "Don't tell me you're hungry again."

"Well, I am, sorta," America said. "But that's not it. Check this out."

England swiveled around to face the younger country. America held out the laptop, screen facing England.

As England read the paragraphs on the screen, America was saying, "So, do ya think it's us? Or maybe it's someone else named America and England. Like, in a parallel universe or something..."

England sat back and almost screamed. "WHAT? WHY AM I THE GIRLFRIEND?"

"'Cause I'm the hero, obviously," the American replied, "And I'm taller, I have more muscles, my cooking is better...wait, what question am I answering?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" England said angrily. "And who the bloody hell wrote this? I do not have caterpillar eyebrows!"

America studied the paragraphs again. "Fanfiction," he said, after a moment. "And yaoi. Whatever that is."

England was furious. "This is absurd! Assuming we were dating, I should be the man in the relationship! I'm older than you! AND I AM NOT A GIRL! WHY DOES EVERYONE ON THIS BLOODY WEBSITE THINK I'M FEMALE? DO I _LOOK_ LIKE I HAVE A RACK?"

"Dude, calm down. It's just yaoi."

"Just yaoi? _JUST_ YAOI?"

"Yeah. Wait, let me look it up..." America typed a few words into the Google search engine and skimmed the results. His face contorted in a mixture of fear, disgust, horror and surprise. "Um...okay. So apparently it means...uh...un-straightness?"

"What does that mean?" England asked, still fuming. "As in a crooked backbone, known as the disease scoliosis?"

"English, please," America said. "And, um, no. Like, mentally crooked."

"I am speaking English, you git. And what do you mean by..." Realization dawned England and his face whitened. "Do they think w-we're..."

"Yup. Like a circle."

The two nations quieted as they digested this info. Then America said, "Wait here. I'm gonna go set things straight."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know. Somewhere. To find whoever wrote this?"

America exited the house and closed the door with a thud. However, a moment later England heard high-pitched squealing. And then screaming, which he recognized as America.

"OMG! We found him! Our plan worked!"

"W-What are you gonna do to me?" England heard America whimper.

"Why, lock you in the closet, of course. With Iggy. We'll tie you guys together and wait for something _interesting_ to happen..." The voices erupted into giggles.

England did the only sensible thing. He ran.

**...x...x...x...x...**

**Just a small gift for ya, Geirdriful. :D Happy birthday! And guys, remember to check out her stuff! They're genius, I assure you.**

**Anyone get the pun? ;)**

**That's all the crack I have for now. :)**

**...x Whitlinger x...**


End file.
